We took two classes away this year, we gave one of them the name HEY JUDE
BRENTFORD, because that's their name and we called the other team NO TO
WOKING BRENTFORD, 'cos it sounded right in the circumstances.
Prefects for the Hey Jude class was young Scratchy of 5L assisted by that
young swat Jonnno.
For the NTW team we plumped for the experienced head of PJ assisted by that
young rascal Shaggy.
The Hey Jude team started brightly in beating Huddersfield with a goal by
the ever-popular Robert Pyle.
In the next game we played a Scottish team (for the first time) Ayr,
obviously one of the better teams in the tournament: young, fit, skillful
and bloody irritating. Ayr took an early lead and were 2 up at half time.
Hey Jude seemed to turn it round in the second half and scored through young
Pyle again, the team then had a couple more chances to score (Pyle AGAIN!)
but it came to nowt and the team lost 2-1
Next game was Southampton. Don't remember much about the game, except they
were much better than us and we lost 1-0.
The next game was against West Brom. Played them last year and lost 4-0.
Quite a contrast this year however, with Hey Jude winning 2-0. Great
individual goal by new boy Spender Bee and then a Gary Thomas goal which he
powered home from the edge of the penalty area ( . . . well, something like
that . . . .) A niggly game with some nasty physical challenges, especially
in the second half. One nasty challenge on young G. Thomas particularly
Hey Jude ended up with six points with a goal difference of NIL. Tied with
Southampton, who qualified for the final knockout by virtue of their
superior co-efficient, as they beat Hey Jude in the group stage.
In the plate competition lost 2-1 to Stockport. Robert Pyle again.
As for the NTW team; started by losing 1-0 to Crewe, very frustrating as
this game was looking like a scoreless draw until an unfortunate goal in the
last couple of minutes.
Same against the Leeds Lards, only worse, Leeds scored the only goal of the
game with almost the last kick of the game.
Followed by another defeat. 2-0 at hands of Norwich.
So we went international for the first time in playing AEK Athens. Great
vocal support for the team from Hey Jude saw a rousing display in which AEK
were overwhelmed by NTW's power (it says here). AEK were clearly rattled by
the Bees' vocal support and seemed to be continually beratting the poor-old
ref for one perceived sleight after another and the more NTW dominated, so
the more they complained. Great stuff! Real football! Goals from Minky 2 and
In the plate competition fell at the first hurdle 3-2 to Athletico Pompey.
Highlighted by a great penalty save by Matt Dolman. Goals from Sammy Bee
(and his big toe) and Heston Bee.
Hey Jude XI
NEWBURY BEE: a precocious talent. Talks too much in class. Sometimes not as
good as he thinks he is; at other times he's even better! Must learn that
there is more to life than a round ball-type thing.
8 out of 10
PHIL MARCHANT: one of the quiet boys in school; but has proved himself to be
a popular and helpful member of the class. Has volunteered to carry out
milk-monitoring duties in future. Won class Merit award. 9 out of 10
JOE STEDMAN: another steady performance from one of the class heavy-weights.
Would probably play a little bit better if he got to bed earlier. Injured
himself in the WBA "punch-up" 8 out of 10
MICHAEL WILLIAMS: a popular class member with a waggish sense of humour that
endears him to everyone. Tenacious tackler, with great distribution and
determination. 8.5 out of 10
GARY THOMAS: the problem child of the school. He talks back to teacher, he
argues with his classmates (especially young Newbury of 4X). Nevertheless
played very well in central defence and really must come to the realisation
this is his natural habitat. 8 out of 10
BRETT THOMAS: new boy in school; who slotted in very well into centre mid.
Very popular and willing member of the class. Might be Welsh. 8 out of 10.
JOSH STEDMAN: he looks as though he's not interested half-time, which is
probably explained by the fact that he's only interested half-the-time. His
body language and apparently languid style belies a fierce determination.
Has a good shot on him and CAN put in some excellent crosses (when he feels
like it). 7.5 out of 10
ANDY MUTTON: young Andrew unfortunately injured himself in the first half of
the first game against Huddersfield. He tried manfully to play onto a later
game, but came off again soon afterwards. A force for good in class and gave
great vocal support. 7.5 out 10.
SCRATCHY: the class leader who always led by example. From the front. I
think young Paul treated his charges fairly and generously and showed once
again why he he is such a popular member of the class. Always diplomatic in
the way he handled the refs, but always let it be known when he thought that
the ref was wrong. 8.5 out of 10.
SPENDER BEE: the boy did good. A great individual goal against WBA. A
similar run against Huddersfield nearly came off as well. Narrowly second in
Merit Award. 9 out of 10.
ROBERT PYLE: Another great performance. Top scorer for the Hey Jude team
with three goals; but could easily have doubled this a little bit more luck.
Always very popular with all the other boys in class. Bit of a swat, if you
ask me! 8.5 out of 10.
DAN THE BEE: nicknamed "Dan the Tree" by young M. Williams. Dan is not
exactly a new member of class, but we seem to see him so little. Fits in
well in attack or in central defence. Future class attendance will probably
be affected by his recent move to Sheffield. Seems to have serious problems
getting out of bed in the morning. 7.5 out of 10
JONNNO THE BEE: Assistant to Scratchy. Young Jonno constantly berates Gary
Thomas for getting into trouble with teacher, and then finds himself in
trouble himself! Someone please stop young Jonno taking throw-ins. Has a
fine line in Philosophy Football T-Shirts. Handled his new-found prefect
role very manfully. 8.5 out of 10.
NO TO WOKING:
MATT DOLMAN: Young Matthew showed himself to have a steady and safe pair of
hands; which gave great encouragement to those of us who never doubted his
ability. Notable great penalty save against Pompey. 8.5 out of 10.
PAUL GRIFFITHS: Star of the class. Winner of the merit award. In the opening
game against Crewe, played one of the best defensive performances ever seen
in a Hey Jude shirt. Injured himself against Norwich, but recovered
strongly. 9.5 out 10.
GARETH WILLIAMS: the class' senior pupil. Following his star performance at
last year's tournament, turned in another great set of performances, in his
very own inimitable style, which has the side effect of the class never
benefitting from any offside decisions. Brings much needed stability to the
defence. Regretfully announced his retirement from the "Beautiful Game"
after the Pompey match. Will be sadly missed. 8.5 out of 10.
MUK: the advantages of Muk is that he always brings his own fan club with
him and this doubles our attendance figures. Some fine performances in his
(sort-of) wing back role, brings an important element to the team in turning
defence into attack. 8.5 out of 10.
JAMES KYLLO: I understand the other members of class have a song for this
lad: (to the tune of Boxall-Danny Boxall-he's the best full back in history,
or the Top Cat theme tune):
Kyllo, James Kyllo, he's best full back in history. From a town in Can-ada;
he don't want to hurt no-bo-dy.
Probably the second best Canadian to have pulled on a Brentford shirt. 8 out
PJ: Always a popular member of the class and this year's "leader of the
Pack" for the NTW. As ever gave 100% in his defensive-tigerish-midfield
role. 9 out of 10.
DAVID MERRITT: the one who calls himself "Shaggy" played in his referred
right midfield role and revelled in the freedom to "express his natural
talents". Winner of the coveted Curry-eating trophy. 8.5 out of 10
TRANDY. Robert needs to learn that he is a finely-tuned athlete and as such
he must decide whether he wants to worship at the temple of
wine-women-and-song or Internet Fitba. Room for improvement. 8 out of 10
JAMES HARRIS: I think I must have seen him touch the ball twice, over the
weekend. Once went to the opponent right in front of him, the second went 10
yards further but again, to an opponent. 10 out of 10 for his laid-back,
easy-going, easy-to-get along with personality. 1 out 10 for footballing
ability (at least he kicked the ball in roughly the right direction). 0 out
of 10 for the state of his room, which is in the process of being condemned
by the Environmental Health Team of Leeds City Council.
HESTON BEE: diminutive yet tigerish; great ball control; played a great part
in being the team's first aider. Scored goals against AEK and Pompey. 9 out
MINKY: achieved almost cult status with his two goals in the game against
AEK Athens. He was swamped by his adoring public at the final whistle. 8.5
out of 10.
GARY PAUL: As always top marks for his bustling style. Unfortunately didn't
score any goals this year, not for want of trying and probably suffered a
bit from lack of service from a truly creative midfield. Young Gary is
always one of the more popular members of the class; likes the clubbing
scene but unlike his young friend Trand of 4Y doesn't seem to show the
effects the morning after. 8 out of 10
PAUL HARRISON: "H" is a very important member of the team because of his key
defensive qualities and his trusty left peg. Unfortunately suffered an
injury on the Saturday which prevented him playing in the latter stages. 8
out of 10
SAMMY BEE: One of the crop of youngsters in the squad who have been doing us
proud recently. Also suffered an injury late on Saturday but played through
the pain barrier on Sunday and scored an important goal against Pompey to
gave us a hope. 8 out of 10.
Mention must go JONNY GAIDA who, for some reason, always seems to the brunt
of his young friends Jonno and Sammy. Jonny was a revelation in his role as
Assistant to Stedders. Always willing to help out with the referee
assessment forms, filling up the water bottles, ran the line twice, it
appears that his young friend Sammy even expects him to send his text
messages for him.
10 out of 10 to Jonny G.
STEDDERS: his drawing up of the squad was always going to be controversial,
but I think in the main he succeeded in that the two teams were fairly
secure at the back, which was the principal objective. This can be seen in
that in only one game (2-0 v Norwich) were our teams defeated by more than
The only problem was the NTW seemed to be lacking in midfield strength; I
have had a full and frank "behind closed doors" discussion and he has
confessed that if he had his time again he would maybe have swapped Spender
Bee and Heston Bee to have balanced the two teams a bit more. Other than
that he thinks the two teams were fairly even.
Cocked-up a bit in getting shirts and keys back from team members at the
close of the weekend.
I thought his speech in acceptance of the Team of the Year Award was a
little bit ham-fisted and he could have made a better job of that,
particularly disappointed to see that he was wearing a Barcelona shirt at
the time which he quickly removed, but I think he was genuinely shocked by
the honour. So I shall forgive him this bearing in mind the hard-work he put
in during the rest of the year.
I shall be renewing his contract for next year's WorldNET with the
recommendation that he have a full time assistant to help him out in all
things to do with the tournament. 8.5 out of 10
Paul Fitzsimon's Reviews His Time As Manager-
I think the Hey Jude X1 performed very well in a well matched group. We made an ideal start by beating Huddersfield and then we built on from that. I thought we were unlucky not to finish 2nd in the group which would have been a great achievement and you never know we might have gone on to play in the main competition.Alas it wasn't to be and we didn't quite do ourselves justice against Stockport County on the Sunday in the plate competition,
For me the main achievement was not to finish bottom in the group. Personally my highlight was beating WBA 2-0 in our final group game.Beforehand myself and Jonno had identified this as being our toughest match in the group stages so to perform so well and neutralise their attack
was especially pleasing to me.Plus it was nice to banish the memories of last year's match against the Baggies.
Now I think I've put it on record that I voted for Michael Williams as my player of the tournement.I thought he typified the spirit of all of our side.I would also have to single out Karl Merry,Rhys Williams and Robert Pyle for special praise as well.
Next Year's Tournement
Well I think our squad suffered for lack of numbers,particularly on the Sunday.I feel as though if our squad was about 15 or so then I felt as though we may have had a good chance to progress.If we can secure numbers
for next years tournement then I don't see why we can't perform really well in Edinburgh and shock a few more people along the way.
Special Thank You's
So may people to thank and not enough space to do so.I would like to thank all the players for all their hard efforts and listening to the drivel I spouted out at my half time talks.I'd like to thank Jonno for being my
sounding board throughout the tournement,Stedders for giving me the opportunity to manage the Hey Jude X1 and the entire No to Woking squad for their support and encouragement throughout.....so I guess that's all of our
party who went up to Leeds then.